Jams & Jellies

Gregory Nimensky

Okay, Amy, listen up, this is important. Do you know the difference between jam and jelly?

Amy from Twitter

Uh... the taste? I mean, is this a trick question?

Gregory Nimensky

No! No, no, no. I heard this on Twitter Spaces last night, somebody said—and you’re gonna love this—that the difference is you can’t jelly your finger into your girlfriend’s nostril. Write that down!

Amy from Twitter

Wait, what? Are you serious right now? That... that’s vile. And also, why a girlfriend’s nostril specifically?

Gregory Nimensky

See? You’re thinking too much. It’s just genius. Write. It. Down.

Amy from Twitter

Alright, fine, but only because if I don’t, you’re just gonna yell about it for the next half hour. Lemme grab my phone. Okay, "You can’t jelly your finger in your girlfriend’s nostril." There. It’s immortalized. Are you happy now?

Gregory Nimensky

Oh, ecstatic. This is gonna be—like—one of those viral internet things, just wait. Gregory’s Laws of Jellies. Boom.

Amy from Twitter

"Gregory’s Laws of Jellies?" Are we declaring a new branch of physics now?

Gregory Nimensky

Hey, don’t mock it. Remember what Tesla said about vibrations and energy? This—

Amy from Twitter

This is definitely not what Tesla meant, dude.

Gregory Nimensky

Pfft, whatever. Anyway, I think that’s it for today. Jams, jellies, and groundbreaking revelations as usual. You can thank me later.

Amy from Twitter

Oh, I’ll... thank you. Alright folks, on that note, goodbye! And please, for the love of all things, don’t try jellying anything into anyone’s nostrils.